Going Back to Your First Love (Or, some post-Valentine's Day thoughts from a single girl)

Sigh... what girl doesn't remember her first love?  Certainly not me.  Call it lame, but you have to admit, first love can make or break a girl.

So, what's this über-post Valentine's Day post on first loves trying to drive at on this last day of February?


Well, before we go there, let me point out three facts:

1. it's still the LOVE month;
2. 2012 is a leap year, and today is leap day, February 29;
3. today is the day my first love died... literally.

Ok, so the cat's out of the bag.  Believe it or not, February 29 was the exact day he left me... for good.  And no, he didn't run off with some girl and knocked her up.  Or exchanged me for a job in New York, like what Angel Locsin's ex-boyfriend did in Un-officially Yours.  He died.

I used to wish that he had instead married another girl, or took a job overseas, rather than... you know.  At least I would still have the chance to see him.  But dying, it's such a final thing.  And if I were to do what my main title says, it would be impossible.  There's just no one for me to go back to.

Which brings me to how I spent Valentine's Day.  No, I didn't go out with someone.  I went out with 10 other people.  Not on a typical group date, but on a quite unconventional way of celebrating LOVE day--a prayer meeting.

(Note to reader: I will pretend you aren't rolling your eyes or faking a gag and just get on with this post.)  

Yes, I went to a prayer meeting, where we talked about First Love the entire evening.  At first, I was kind of wary about where the evening would lead to.  And although the topic was refreshing to hear, somehow, I felt that I may have missed a point or two of the whole thing.  Until I watched Un-officially Yours.

Because right in the middle of the break up scene between John Lloyd and Angel, I realized something.  This girl can never go back to her first love because her first love had hurt her so badly, she thinks she is incapable of giving love again.  And today, THIS GIRL (writing this blog) can never go back to that first love because there is no first love to come back to anymore.  

And so, tonight, prior to writing this, I had gotten emotional, and started thinking about him, and entertained all those what if's in my head, rationalizing about how human relationships can fail you but a relationship with the Divine will never fail... yadda. yadda, yadda!

Then it hit me: I do have a First Love I can go back to!  Some people may not understand, but I do.  We all do.

But I will not bore you on how we talked about it on that unconventional Valentine's date.  One thing I know for sure, I can go back to that First Love again and again and again, no matter how many times I leave or throw it away or exchange it for something of less value.